Breakthrough
by Break Hakkai Stein
Summary: Stein comes to realize the truth about his relationship with Marie and vows to start being there for her.


**Breakthrough **

**The Only Thing That Matters**

I sit in the bathtub wondering, a speck of blood wandering down my face. I wonder what I'm doing here. I never use this place.

The light flickers on and off above me, casting everything in a deep shade of gray. Gray, the color of rainstorms and dark clouds. Gray, the color of my brain.

I shift a little. My legs are far too long for this tub. My lab coat rustles against the empty basin's side, brushing on the dark stitches sticking from the storm-colored porcelain. Ha. Tubs aren't made from porcelain anymore. Why did I say mine was?

I laugh and gaze at the knuckles of my right hand. Cracked and bleeding again, I see. I shouldn't glance at my reflection anymore. I doubt my hands can survive more contact with the bathroom mirror's surface.

Why does it always come to this? Here I am, sprawled out in an empty bathtub after weeks of what I'd deemed "healthy" and "normal". Normal. Please use that in a sentence because I'm not sure what it means.

Laughing always leads to frenzied crying. No one can tell the difference when I'm like this, a creature screaming at an empty world, because I'm smiling. I smile when I'm crying for existence, the pathetic waste of time that we call life, the time that I wish I could remake everything and then, only then, would my life be worth a thing. But the universe is averse to changing. I'm eternally trapped by the stars.

Just when I think I might howl into infinity, I hear a voice beside me.

"Stein?"

I turn to find my Marie staring at me with widened eyes. Marie: Never mine to begin with. Marie: One far too pure for me.

Another "Stein" just as I turn away and I feel her arms pull me towards her. She looks into me with those amber eyes, tears forming in their sockets as they gaze into my soul. I find myself powerless, unable to look away.

"Marie…" I say, trying to turn my head from her. She refuses to let go, tightening her grip near my temples and fastening my vision to her stern face, her all-accessing optic. I let my head lay there in her firm grasp, not daring to disobey her.

"Stein, I love you more than anything and I don't want you to be alone. Please. Stay with me."

I try to speak, but nothing comes, all my excuses turned to jumbled jargon. She simply closes the distance between us, her lips taking mine, and I find myself kissing back. I sit up and draw her towards me, my bloodied hands digging raggedly into her shoulder blades. I hear her gasp and I pull back, feeling more like an animal than any form of man.

"I'm sorry. I think I'm meant to damage you."

I get up and exit the tub, walking numbly towards the doorway. My head is buzzing furiously. I need some cigarettes.

I leave her in there crying, not knowing if my presence will make her feel better or worse. I hear her wail and screw my head-bolt tighter. Perhaps the noise will go away if I bind my instincts further.

The cigarettes spill onto my shirt. I can't seem to control my fingers.

_Why is that, Franken? _says a voice, strange yet somehow familiar. Is it something in me, or is it something else, something deeper? Is it the God I wished to nonexistence? I don't have time to decide before her face appears before me. I see all the times she was forced to stand and watch me fall back into self-inflicted madness, see all the times she sat alone wishing for someone to love her only to have her hopes dashed to pieces by a self-indulgent scientist, a madman, a narcissist. And then, somewhere deep inside me, I feel a tiny seed of compassion growing with every moment that it's watered by her tears. I find myself realizing that I've been selfish, that I've been standing by while she's been suffering, and that I love her truly, purely, deeply.

I love her! I, Franken, the one who tore apart insects, who beat up children on the playground at school; I, Franken, the man alone with his experiments who wouldn't have it any other way. I, Franken, am the single man who loves her! And suddenly the world begins to make sense again.

"I'm sorry, Marie," I whisper, very, very quietly. I know what I must do. I must say it louder, again.

"I'm sorry, Marie."

I walk towards the door. She is still crying. I stand by her hunched form and get down on my knees behind her. I put a hand on her shoulder reassuringly.

"I'm so sorry, Marie."

I put my arms around her, embracing her with care. She sniffles a little and I hold her tenderly. Delicately, like handling the smallest of birds, I turn her towards me, touching my forehead lightly to her own. I stare intently into her eyes. Her soul's wavelength flickers.

"I love you, Marie, and I need you with me. You're the most beautiful soul I've ever come in contact with, and I don't want to lose this feeling, this feeling that I have for you. You are so beautiful, Marie."

I stroke her neck gently, gaining confidence by the second. She closes her eyes happily. My voice goes lower, murmuring softly, gently.

"But most of all, I'm here to listen. I don't want to be a burden to you ever again."

She smiles that soft smile I adore, her eyes laughing and her heart kinder than anyone I've known. She takes my hand and kisses it, right where the mirror punctured my skin. I start. She giggles.

"Hakkai…" she sings.

I furrow my brow in puzzlement. "What do you-?"

She keeps vocalizing the strange name, dumbfounding me with its nonsense. My intellect fails me suddenly. Some scientist I am. I need a degree in singsongs but I seem to only have one in stuttering.

"I don't understand what you're-"

"Quiet," she says, putting a finger on the tip of my nose. My eyes widen. She laughs softly to herself.

"It's your new name- Cho Hakkai Stein."

I raise an eyebrow but then start chuckling. The absurdity of it all! I find myself grinning. She's as mad as I am!

"I like it," I smirk, causing her to smile wider. She rocks back and forth, pulling me with her. I beam contentedly, both of us radiating gladness.

"I love you, Hakkai."

"I love you too… Sanzo."

And in those words of nonsense, it doesn't matter if I know the secret of all existence; it doesn't matter if I can change the world with madness. All that matters is that I'm right here with her, listening to her heartbeat and feeling her with my soul. My Kouryuu Marie Sanzo, I am your Cho Hakkai Stein.


End file.
